Want to Move From Fear to Self-Expression? Dare to Suck!

Plus my giveaway for people who like woo-woo and want to be productive.

Let me tell you about a nerve-racking situation I faced a few years ago:

At an event I assisted at, we got treated to a private concert. This concert was by the Brothers Koren—two musicians who have opened for Pink, Coldplay, Bon Jovi, and Rob Stewart.

So far, so amazing, right? Where’s the problem?

Well, the concert also included the band inviting us, the audience, to co-create a new song with them

Brothers Koren, picture taken by author

We were to individually sing whichever words, phrases or melodies came to us—without any preparation. While sitting in a room with a bunch of people, cameras, a livestream for virtual participants, and, well… musicians who have shared a stage with actual rock stars.

Whaaaa….. 😨

Did I mention that I had just flown into town that day, was jet-lagged, entirely sleep-deprived and had just helped setting up the whole venue and holding space for a large group of people for many hours?

As if all wasn’t enough to make me nervous, I also have some rather negative (or shall we say traumatic?) memories regarding my own musical endeavors.

When I was a teenager, music was really important to me. That’s why I really, really wanted to be good at it.

Of course, the excess importance I gave to this made me even more nervous whenever I was playing music. Needless to say, this didn’t lead to positive results. Or, to put it in plain English, I kinda sucked.

Given all this, you might understand that I was feeling beyond nervous when the band encouraged us, the audience, to “dare to suck.”

They told us to close our eyes, tune into ourselves and allow ourselves to express whatever wants to come through us, e̶v̶e̶n̶ especially if we fear it might not be good enough.

To be fully transparent, just half a year ago I had attended another private concert with the Brothers Koren. Back then, they had given the audience the same opportunity and I… well, I chickened out.

I decided that this time would be different and that I would “dare to suck!”

Here’s what happened when I dared to suck:

With my eyes still closed, I put up my hand to indicate that I was willing to give it a try. Feeling super-tense and on edge, I waited for a while to be called upon.

Then, one of the musicians put his hand on my shoulder to indicate that it was now my turn.

That’s when I sang a melody that came to me at that moment.

To my surprise and relief, I didn’t die. Even more surprisingly, it actually went well—as it had for everyone else who had given it a try.

Once I calmed down, I realized that I had just leaped outside my comfort zone. Being so courageous is reward enough. However, I got an additional reward: I can now say that a musician who has toured with Bon Jovi praised my impromptu singing.

(Needless to say, my inner teenager was super-stoked about that.)

The only reason that happened? Because I “dared to suck.”

Here’s what I learned from this experience:

• If I had tried to be perfect, I would have kept quiet (this is what happened the last time I had the same opportunity). Giving myself permission to not be perfect allowed my voice to be heard this time.

• The effects of this experiment were counter-intuitive: I did better when I “dared to suck” than when I tried to do a good job. (Also, even sucking at something is an achievement.)

• Trying this out is safer than it feels like. Turns out that it’s pretty hard to die from nervousness. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here to write this now.

• “Dare to suck” can be a helpful mantra in many areas, particularly relating to self-expression and creativity. There are other areas where this is absolutely not an appropriate approach (medicine, law, etc.).

• Similarly, this mantra is not an excuse to let others down. Here’s a good guideline to decide if it’s okay to “dare to suck” or not: if I don’t do a good job, will it have a measurable negative impact on someone else? In my impromptu singing attempt, the worst case is that people might want to cover their ears for a minute. Ergo: it’s okay to “dare to suck.”

• In the same vein, it can be helpful to get other peoples’ permission to “dare to suck.” For instance, a while ago I wanted to try something new in my coaching practice. Because I didn’t know how it might go, I offered it in a very anti-marketing way. Here’s an abbreviated version of my deliberately unattractive invitation:

“I need 3 guinea pigs who would like to join me for a free group coaching call: I want to try something new in my practice. I actually don’t yet know what it will be like. […] It might suck.

Any audacious takers?”

I think daring to suck is a great way to move from fear to self-expression action, particularly when it comes to creative self-expression.

And if you’re wondering what happened with my (deliberately unattractive) invitation?

Well, despite (or maybe because of) my wording, some people took me up on my offer.

The best part? Because of how I had asked for volunteers, I knew I had their permission to “dare to suck.”

Additional resources:

If you want to become more courageous, check out my workshop “Tap into your Clarity & Courage” (for paid subscribers):

Tap Into Your Clarity & Courage (Workshop)

I also offer soulful productivity coaching

Soulful productivity support

Warmly,
Louise

Playlist:

Everything’s Changing—Brothers Koren

You might not have heard this one before but it would make a good theme song for this decade, right?

Walk This Way—Run D.M.C. ft. Aerosmith

You most likely have heard this one before. But it’s cool to rewatch it and see it as an example on how to make the most of adverse circumstances (like a famous rock band jamming next door… we all have our cross to bear, hah!).

Love in an Elevator—Aerosmith

Speaking of Aerosmith, this band lives the “Dare to Suck” motto. Here’s Steven Tyler reflecting on their weekly “Dare to Suck” meetings:

“Each one of us brings an idea that we think is probably terrible, and that we are embarrassed that we even have the idea. But we present it. And nine times out of ten, the idea is actually terrible. But one time out of ten you get Dude Looks Like a Lady or Love in an Elevator.”

One of my friends on Notes told me about Aerosmith’s Dare to Suck principle. Unfortunately, that was many months ago and I can’t find our interaction again so I don’t know who pointed it out to me. If that was you, please let me know so I give you a shout-out here. :)