Doing Work You Love Isn't for the Faint of Heart
Why it can feel so terrible to get what you want, and what to do about that.
I recently talked to a client who was experiencing more flow in her business. She said something along those lines: “I’m starting to get what I want. It feels terrible.”
I lit up like a Christmas tree at her impressive level of self-awareness, honesty, and humor about the sheer weirdness of the human experience.
Because seriously, this right there is a truth that hardly anyone ever admits, ever. In general, our culture pretends there are only two stages to getting what you want:
Not having what you want, or
Having what you want and being happily ever after.
We find this false belief anywhere from romance movies to advertising.
In reality, the only thing that feels worse than not having what you want is to finally get what you want.
This doesn’t just apply to work and doing what you love. For instance, I spent years trying to find the right person for me. You might think I was super-happy the night before we got married. That wasn’t quite the case, to put it mildly.
Why doing work you love—or finally getting something else you want—can feel so terrible
A stuck state—not having what one wants; not doing what one loves—is like a block of ice. When things start to open up and flow more, it’s like ice melting.
Cold, and stuckness, can be numbing.
Heat, and flow, thaw things. Including the heart and the energy body. And that often doesn’t feel great.
Have you ever gotten cold hands in winter? When cold hands finally warm up again, it feels terrible. Often, it feels worse when things first start to get better.
More flow, more purpose energy, brings up things: fears, pain points, long-hidden desires. That’s why I now think that doing what you love is really a journey of growth. It’s a journey of joyful growth, and yet, joy can feel terrifying.
We live in a world where it can be easier to numb oneself (Exhibit A: the news). Sometimes, numbing oneself is the right thing to do.
And sometimes, it’s time to thaw.
How to make the thawing process a bit less terrible
This process can provide some gentle guidance during the thawing phase. However, it’s not a substitute for mental health support. If you are experiencing mental health issues, talk to a mental health professional instead.
Connect with your heart
Take a moment to get still and connect with yourself. Imagine that you are breathing in an out through your heart. Take 3 deep breaths, or as many as you want.
Is this a time for numbing or for thawing?
Ask your deepest inner wisdom: “Is this a time for numbing or for thawing?” If it’s numbing time, your process is complete for now (you might like to return to this at a later point). If your answer is thawing, please move to the next question.Notice what the thawing process brings up for you
Allow yourself to notice the feelings this brings up. What’s the shape of the terribleness of your thawing process? You can give them labels, such as: “I’m feeling sad.”
Acknowledge what’s happening
Say to yourself: “It’s okay to experience this. I’m thawing. I’m gradually allowing in more flow into my life.”Optional: choose the change
Remember, you have agency. As such, you are allowed to choose what you want. If you like, say to yourself: “I’m choosing this change. I choose to allow more flow in my life. I choose to have what I want. And I choose for this process to be as easy, simple, and joyful as possible.”
Takeaway
When people start to do more of what they love—or get something else they want—it often feels terrible.
Anything people really want is a deep-seated desire. It’s so close to their hearts. And not having something so deeply desired for a long time can close things down energetically.
When things change, they open up energetically. And that often feels worse initially. It’s the thawing process in action.
In a way, we could summarize the process as follows:
Initial state: “This is terrible.”
Thawing process: “This is even more terrible.”
End state: “This is terrific.”
While I didn’t feel great the night before getting married, I am now very happily married. I wager that over time, my client will also feel more comfortable with her new reality.
Warmly,
Louise
P.S.: Ready to start thawing so you can do more of what matters to you?
As we just discussed, getting closer to what you want doesn’t always feel great.
However, it’s the wobbly discomfort that comes from making changes and going for what you really want, not the soul-crushing discomfort that comes from feeling stuck and unfulfilled in a situation that really isn’t working.
If you are at a point where things really have to change, and you want to explore what it would take to do that, I invite you to apply for a free Work Clarity & Alignment Call.
This call is for people who want to move from a work situation that—kinda, sorta, or totally—sucks to doing work they love and that matters to them.
It’s a chance to take a step back, evaluate your current situation, and explore your options—with someone who isn’t a friend or family member and who gets the nuances involved in work-related situations. And if I think my approach can help you navigate this transition, I'll share what working together further could look like.
You can find more about this call and apply for it here.
AI disclaimer: I have written this article entirely without AI input. Once it was completed, AI did for me what I used to ask of my husband: read the article and give me general feedback on it. I made a few small changes based on this feedback. The image I use for this article was created with an AI tool.