Living a Life of No Regret

We don't need to live a perfect life to have little regret about it.

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Hi friend,

A couple of years ago, I got interviewed by Joel Mwakasege, editor of Be Yourself.

Joel asked me: “Looking back, what do you wish you would have done differently in your life?”

I thought for a moment before answering: “You know, nothing really. Or perhaps some small things like starting to floss earlier on.”

What Joel said next stuck with me: “You’re the first person to say that.”

I was beyond surprised.

There are probably just a few people on this globe who have heard more personal stories than Joel. After interviewing folks from all over the world for years, I’m the first person to say this!?!

Realizing that my outlook on life is rather unusual inspired me to write this article. I used to experience regret much more frequently, and it took a lot of growth to get to where I am at today. So, I wanted to help others let go of the burden of all these small regrets we carry around with us.

Here are my thoughts for doing that (of course, if you experience mental health challenges, consult a mental health professional):

1. Put your regrets into context

The very things you regret are the things that made you the awesome person you are today.

When Joel asked me if I would change something about the past, I paused for a moment and thought about

• things that hadn’t gone well in my life,

• mistakes I had made,

• chances I had missed.

But when I considered going back and changing the past, I realized that that would mean missing out on whatever I had learned from my failures and hang-ups.

I’m the product of my entire past, not just the good parts. Changing the bad parts of the past would make me a different person than I am today (or at least that’s what always happens in time traveling shows, so I’d rather not take any chances).

Since I like who I am, it makes sense to also like the journey that made me who I am, no matter how hard it was.

That’s the power of putting your regrets into the context of your entire life.

2. Give yourself permission to be imperfect

You don’t need to live a perfect life to have no regret about it

I’ve done things I certainly wouldn’t do again—I’m neither perfect nor a saint (unless saints are allowed to be morning grumps, unnecessarily argumentative, and in need of an excessive amount of personal space).

I don’t experience little regret because I’m perfect, but because I’m (mostly) okay with not being perfect.

If you think you need to be perfect, you will experience regret. That regret comes from holding yourself to an impossible standard.

Instead, realize that you’re human, like all of us. We’re here to learn and grow. We can’t learn and grow if we don’t make mistakes.

3. Turn regret into growth

In my experience, regret falls into two categories:

1. growth-oriented regret, and

2. chronic regret.

Regret that inspires us to make a change is what I’d call growth-oriented or functional regret. For instance, if we’ve hurt someone, our regret might lead us to make amends (if possible) and to act differently in the future. This type of regret is useful.

In contrast, chronic or dysfunctional regret doesn’t serve a useful function.

If you experience chronic regret, is there a way to turn it into growth? Is there an action you can take or a change (even just in attitude) you can make based on the regret you feel?

For instance, if you’ve been unkind to someone in the past, can you either reach out and apologize or simply commit to doing better in the future with other people?

To give you a personal example on turning regret into growth: Many years ago, I missed out on seeing my grandfather one last time when he was on his deathbed. I was just getting ready for our trip (he lived a few hours away) when I got the call that it was too late. Naturally, I regretted not having traveled the evening before.

When my husband’s grandmother was on her deathbed, I encouraged him to travel to her as soon as possible. Because we left right away, we got to be in the room with her while she passed away (which was a peaceful and special experience).

Without my experience with my grandfather, I wouldn’t have insisted on traveling to my husband’s grandmother right away.

So, in the end, something positive came out of my regret, and that helps me be at peace with it.

4. Forgive yourself

Letting go of regret is ultimately about self-forgiveness and self-compassion.

So, how do you do that?

If you like, check out the short meditation at the very end of this article.

In addition, here’s a technique I learned from futurist Dawn Clark: when you’re upset about something, ask yourself what you wanted that you didn’t get.

If someone has wronged you, ask yourself what you wanted from them that you didn’t get. For instance: “What I wanted that I didn’t get is for her to be supportive of me.”

If you’re trying to forgive yourself, ask yourself what you wanted from yourself that you didn’t get. For instance: “What I wanted that I didn’t get is for me to listen to my intuition.”

Or, to share a personal example: I once accidentally deleted some of my computer files due to being in a hurry—and file recovery didn’t work. Obviously, I wasn’t too happy with myself for that. So, what did I want from myself that I didn’t get? To take a moment to pause before taking action.

And if this situation helped me get that lesson, I’d say it was well worth the annoyance that came with it.

So, are you ready to forgive yourself? Keep in mind that there’s one thing humans never regret.

And that’s self-forgiveness.

You, of all people, deserve your own forgiveness!

5. Say “f*ck it” to your regret

If everything else fails, say “f*ck it” to your regret. Seriously, go try it out! Sometimes, an appropriately placed swear word is all it takes to finally shift something.

If you are experiencing regret, I encourage you to try out any of the approaches above.

After all, you deserve to live a life of no regret!

Warmly,
Louise

Would you like more support?

Sometimes, regret isn’t about something that happened in the past but about something we are not doing right. If you would like to craft a life of no regret, I invite you to check out my coaching offer here. 

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Playlist for this article

Here’s a bonus tip for living a life of no regret: listen to the right music!

Certain pieces of music can really transport us into a state of no regrets. Here’s the playlist for this article (if you have additional song suggestions, please share them in the comment section):

Edith Piaf—Non, je ne regrette rien

Frank Sinatra—My way