Are You Getting Through or Breaking Through?

Compassionate advice for whichever phase you are in.

Hi friend,

there are two main phases in life:

• getting through, and

• breaking through.

(There’s also “breaking down”… but let’s try to avoid that, alright?)

I will explain these in more detail below. For now, think of “getting through” as maintenance mode, and “breaking through” as expansion mode.

If you are a new parent or have recently lost a loved one, you are probably in a maintenance period of life. On the other hand, if you have just gotten married or promoted, you might be in an expansion phase.

The key is to recognize what period you are in, and to approach life accordingly.

Maintenance mode: time to get through

Imagine that you are on a small boat in the middle of the ocean… and a storm.

You are far away from the shore, all by yourself on a tiny ship, and you don’t know if you can make it through the next few hours without capsizing. (Alternatively, there might suddenly not be the slightest wind at all to fill your sails.)

Sometimes, life is like that—there’s too much or too little happening. That’s when people switch to “getting through” mode. As Winston Churchill probably didn’t say: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

And that’s the right approach! If you are faced with intense roadblocks, you often don’t have the energy to focus on a big journey. When you are struggling or grieving or dealing with setbacks, getting through is actually a huge accomplishment!

In modern culture, just holding on and keeping the boat steady isn’t very acceptable. We are expected to make great headway… even during a storm, or without wind.

But that’s not a useful or compassionate expectation!

To counteract that conditioning, remember to validate yourself. Acknowledge all the positive things you are already doing — for instance, not falling out of the boat.

If you have energy for it, you can also connect with and get advice from your future self—the version of you that has successfully made it back to shore. (This workshop can help with that.)

Expansion mode: time to break through

Now imagine the storm is over. The clouds have cleared, there’s a nice wind in your sail and the sun is shining. It’s time to head to your next destination, make great headway, enjoy the experience.

When life is good, it can feel like that. That’s when people switch to “breaking through” mode. The expansion that comes with it exists on a spectrum: it can range all the way from a slight breeze gently coaxing you forward to a strong wind pushing you ahead.

When you are in “breaking through” mode, you might

• aim for new heights of success,

• accomplish ambitious goals, and

• break through internal barriers.

This is a time to boldly go for what you want. As Michael Jordan put it: “Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.”

When you are in “breaking through” mode, it’s time to make it happen! Tap into your clarity and courage and go for the gold. (My workshop here might help.)

How to deal with these modes:

It’s important to realize that both modes are a normal part of life. We all experience them at some point during our lives. When you recognize what phase you are in, you can optimize your response.

To be even more precise, you can apply this distinction to different areas of your life, such as:

• work and business,

• health and fitness,

• family,

• friends,

• romance,

• personal and spiritual growth.

For instance, if you are in demand at work and have been looking for a romantic partner for a while (with no results), you might be in expansion mode in your work life, and in maintenance work in your romantic life.

“Breaking through” periods are often more fun, so if that’s the life phase you are in, enjoy! At the same time, rapid expansion can sometimes feel overwhelming, so continue to practice self-care and mindfulness.

“Getting through” phases can be really rough, depending on what’s causing them. If you are in that situation, I’m sending you my love and compassion. Remember, “this too shall pass.” Eventually, the storm will clear, and you will once again enjoy sailing across the ocean!

→ If you are in “breaking through” mode, what’s an ambitious goal you could aim for?

→ If you are in “getting through” mode, what’s something nice you could do for yourself?

If you could use more support, here are three options:

• Become a paid subscriber here (US$5/month or $50/year): as a paid subscriber, you get access to 2 workshops (“Flourish with Your Future Self” and “Tap Into Your Clarity & Courage”), as well as 10 other private posts with insights, teachings, meditations, etc.

• Become a founding member here (US$111/year): as a founding member, you get all the above and a 30-minute coaching session with me (you can see what my clients say about working with me here)!

• I also offer ongoing private coaching if that’s something you are interested in. You can find the details here.

Warmly,
Louise